Dear Baby - A letter about your Dad

Dear baby,

I got the impression a few nights ago to write you and tell you how awesome your dad is going to be. For starters, he already is awesome. The thing about your dad is that he's kind of like cheese; he gets better as he gets older haha! (You'll find out just how much he loves cheese too!) I knew I loved him when we first started dating, but I didn't know how much more that love could grow throughout our marriage. When we decided to get pregnant with you, my heart grew 2 sizes! (That's from the Grinch, we'll watch it at Christmas time). One size for you, and one size for Carson. He has become so selfless and always puts us first. He never complains when I ask him for something, even when it's really out of his way or he's just as tired as me. He does things even without me asking and I know he's going to really be involved with raising you and helping with the not-so-fun stuff (like diapers and throw-up). I belong to this mom group on Facebook and some of the things that the women are dealing with are just so heartbreaking. Now, not saying our marriage is perfect. We definitely have our trials and there's things about each other we would change... but the thing about your dad is that he loves me in spite of my flaws and can turn any sad or frustrating situation into a growing and learning experience for us to become even stronger. He's the first to apologize and always makes us dinner, even if I've laid around all day doing nothing. And you think he loves me... just wait until you're born! He is so excited to meet you. There's been times in this pregnancy that I've been sad and scared and not sure if I'm cut out to be a mom. Not once has your dad let me feel this way for long. Through patience and support, I know first hand he will always make you feel loved. And he'll always make you laugh! He also says he plans to make you a fancy breakfast every day before school (which I don't even get so just know you're very lucky haha!) Your dad is very forgiving and knows you'll make mistakes. He plans to teach you to confide in us and realize it's ok, very much like our Father in Heaven. He is a good provider and is working extra hard to make sure we're ready for when you come into this world. I sure love him and know that you will too :)

14 Weeks

Made it another week! It was a pretty good one, although I got another migraine and broke my streak of no puking (I had made it about a week!).

On Thursday my parents left for Hawaii for their 10 year anniversary. I have twin 6 year old sisters and a 14 year old brother so I get to play mom for a week! We live just around the corner so it's nice being close to home to get my work done when the kid are at school. I have been super spoiled by my mattress though, so on Friday, Carson threw it on top of our mini cooper and brought it over for me so I could sleep just like at home! Who needs a truck when you have a mini? ;)

How far along? 14 weeks! (well, I'm 15 tomorrow but I like to write my blog posts on Sundays)

How big is the peanut? A peach! About 3.4 inches and 1.5 oz

Total weight gain/loss? No loss or gain since last week, just the same! 

Maternity clothes? Not needed, but I love wearing dresses that show off my little bump!

Sleep? Only good when I'm on my mattress haha! 

Best moment this week? Probably when we moved our mattress over haha!  

Symptoms? I had a migraine... throwing up with that. But my energy seems to be getting more and more which is good because I have 3 weddings this weekend! 

Food cravings? I love me some slushes! Salads are always a win. I was able to eat pizza today and that was awesome!  

Food aversions? I notice that strawberries and grapes are more sour now which makes me sad because I love fruit! But wow, they are sour! 

Gender? I had yet another dream it was a boy last night so I'm really thinking boy! We go in for the ultrasound in about a week and find out that Friday, so 12 days to be exact! 

Labor signs? It's not really a labor sign, I just can feel my insides growing and that's kind of painful sometimes. 

Belly button in or out? In!

What I miss? Pooping. Sorry, had to say it. 

What I'm looking forward to? Probably pooping :( AND the gender reveal.

Bump? It looks more prominant in the dress I'm wearing today! But it could just be that my tummy is filled with poo :( Guys, this is a problem. haha! 

13 Weeks

I can't believe another week has come and gone! I really look forward to Monday's now since that's when I start a new milestone. 13 weeks was a weird one for sure.. Monday started out really good but I think I pushed myself too hard and it threw me into a migraine and lots of puking. It took several days to recover from that. We had our 2nd doctor appointment and saw our baby on the ultrasound bouncing around! Heartbeat was at 161. I talked with my doctor about migraine solutions and I feel better about some of the options he gave me. My migraines are really intense and Tylenol just doesn't cut it. I had been free of my migraines for a good year and so now that they are back in my pregnancy has caused some fear and worry... chronic anything is enough to make someone crazy. The doctor said we could do our gender ultrasound in 3 or 4 weeks, so I definitely made the appointment for 3 weeks haha. We'll find out on April 11, but won't officially find out until that Friday when we celebrate with family and some close friends. I have entrusted one of my friends to know the gender before us so she can get the necessary things as part of the reveal! I couldn't be more excited! A little 2 weeks away!

Thursday was Carson's 26th birthday! He went to work and all he wanted was his favorite meal and an old fashioned banana cream pie (I made one for Thanksgiving and now it's his favorite! We have tried a million different banana cream pies out there and agree this recipe was the best). I was really, really sick that day but luckily the crock pot does all the work ;) We had creamy italian chicken over noodles and I made his pie later in the day. He came home to a crying wife because I felt so bad his bday was so lame but he assured me it was a good day. I was able to eat some of the food and I made him blow out a single candle on a piece of pie.

Friday I was feeling a million times better. It's crazy how awful Tuesday-Thursday were! I took my mom's 10 year anniversary photos that night and Carson and I went to Viva Chicken for dinner. So yum! Saturday was a chill day and I did bridals that night. On Sunday Carson and I drove to Vegas for an engagement shoot and had some cheesecake factory and went to Ikea and got some stuff for the baby's room. I am trying to be more aware of my body and what it needs and when I need to slow down and that has helped me remain feeling pretty good! I go to bed really early (for me) and sleep like 10 hours every night lately! I find in the mornings I start to toss and turn more trying to get comfortable but luckily my body pillow has been doing a good job.

How far along? 13 weeks! 

How big is the peanut? A Lemon! Although some of the apps think that it's a lemon at 14 weeks so who really knows. It says almost 3 inches and almost 1 oz!  

Total weight gain/loss? I am down another 2lbs from all the puking earlier in the week. I've been slowly starting to eat again and managed all 3 meals on Friday-Sunday! So total weight loss since I first found out I was pregnant is 16lbs. My pants are saggy. 

Maternity clothes? Not yet! 

Sleep? Good! I need like 9-10 hours a night right now. It's been niccccceeeee.

Best moment this week? Seeing our baby! 

Symptoms? Super sick at the beginning of the week! But as I got better it's been burping. I burp so much. I hate it. 

Food cravings? Slushes and wraps. Like chicken and lots of lettuce in a yummy fluffy tortilla. I had a cherry limeade slush from Sonic and I was in heaven. 

Food aversions? nothing really!

Gender? I still think boy! We'll find out in about 2ish weeks!

Labor signs? None! Except I have probably growing pelvic pains... baby is doubling in weight every week recently.

Belly button in or out? In!

What I miss? Currently nothing. If you asked me earlier in the week I would have said feeling good haha!

What I'm looking forward to? Finding out the gender and our gender reveal.

Bump? Just my already existent belly I had before pregnancy. I am losing weight everywhere but there because belly fat is so much harder to lose haha. My baby is really low still so when I take "bump" photos it's really just my belly I've always had the past few years haha!

Here's our cute video! There's also more photos on my instagram @jostlenna

Untitled from Carson Stilson on Vimeo.

12 Weeks

I'm finally caught up and out of my journal entries! I'll still be writing in my journal but I'll be a little bit more candid here and more information, sometimes writing gives me hand cramps and I don't write all the stuff I want to say haha!

12 weeks was a roller coaster for me. I went off progesterone at the end of week 11 because I was tired of taking pills (I gag a lot in this pregnancy and I just have tried to switch to as much chewable stuff as possible). Well that was absolutely the worst choice ever! I got a migraine and instantly super nauseated. I was desperate for something to help the migraine so we got V8 energy drinks (I just don't like soda that has caffeine it in). That helped a great deal! I've been a little sick in the pregnancy but not like this. Vomiting a lot and just miserable. MISERABLE. I decided to go back on progesterone mid week and instantly was cured. It was kind of intense and insane how much better I felt back on it! I must be messed up hormonally all the time haha! So once I felt better I got an appetite back and have actually been eating a regular amount.

It was spring break last week and my parents heated their new pool. I got to go swimming twice and it was so nice to get some "fun" exercise and relax. I will be in that pool a lot this summer! I also went to the dentist and got my hair done this week.. it's been productive! No cavities I'm happy to report.

Today was 8:30 am church and we went to all 3 hours. This is groundbreaking haha! It's just so early and I don't feel well if I don't get enough sleep. I find that on the weekends I'm just a little done from the past week and I get a little more headachey... so I just drank half of a V8. That might have to be my Sunday ritual haha.

How far along? 12 weeks! 

How big is the peanut? A plum! 

Total weight gain/loss? I am down a total of around 14lbs since I first found out I was pregnant. With more of my appetite coming back I hope to start gaining now.

Maternity clothes? Not yet! Luckily with the weight loss I'll be able to grow back into my other regular clothes for a little bit until my belly takes over. I have a lot of swing dresses I'll be wearing this summer. I've bought a couple specific maternity dresses that were on clearance but no where near needing them yet.

Sleep? Pretty good! I wake once every night to go pee. I have been zonking out pretty fast and hard which is great because I'm used to having to toss and turn at least 20 minutes before falling asleep.

Best moment this week? Getting back on progesterone. Holy cow. 

Symptoms? After getting back on progesterone... hunger. Hunger every couple hours. Major constipation. I just took TWO stool softeners so pray for me tomorrow. 

Food cravings? None specific this week. I love burgers and I was a little naughty and had 2 turkey sandwhiches last week. They were amazing. I love salads, fruit... really anything! I don't crave a lot of fast food except burgers. Everything else sounds like it'll make my constipation worse and that turns me off haha.

Food aversions? mmm, nothing really specific? Pizza doesn't really sound good anymore.

Gender? I still think boy! We'll find out soon enough.

Labor signs? None luckily! 

Belly button in or out? In still. I hope it stays forever in! haha

What I miss? I miss having little to zero headaches. And being able to stand and work without getting super winded or back killing me. I worked a 6 hour day on my feet the whole time last Saturday and that was hard. I did it! But it's crazy how much a tiny little plum can affect your body so much.

What I'm looking forward to? Finding out the gender. I want to start buying clothes!

Bump? It's there but I also had this bump not pregnant so I'm not sure if I can really call it a baby bump yet. It's more of a "I never work out and gain weight in my stomach area so I always look pregnant" kind of bump. When I do the doppler the baby is still hanging out in my pubic region and my belly situation is higher than that so I'm pretty sure it's just a bloated, constipated, chubby belly right now. Can't wait until it's a real baby belly haha! 

3-10-17 (11 weeks)

I'm horrible on keeping up! The other day I was craving a KFC chicken bowl so bad! We ended up making mac and cheese and it was not as satisfying haha. My constipation is worse. I need to be better about fruit and veggies. Tonight was Michele and Robert's baby shower! It was so cute. I won the game of making a baby out of play dough haha! We are so excited for them.

The baby's heart rate has decreased to the 170's now according to the doppler. Our next appointment is at 13.5 weeks. I'm excited! I know last write I said the days are going fast, and they are, but I feel like I'll always be in the first trimester.

I'm tired recently, the kind where I can fall asleep really fast! My bladder isn't as bad now, I don't feel like I have to pee all the time! I don't wake up at night as much anymore for it. My skin and scalp is super dry. It's always flaking and gross. Other than that, I've been feeling pretty good! I have a wedding and a bridal shoot tomorrow so I hope I survive.

2-25-17 (9 weeks still, almost 10!)

It doesn't always feel like it but the days ARE moving fast! We had our doctor appointment on Tuesday and got photos of our cute gummy bear! They are really precious. The appointment went really well and the heartbeat was 185, which a lot of people are saying looks like a girl. It's funny because I've always thought boy and a lot of my sumptoms point to boy but we'll see I guess! We did our announcement video and everyone loved it. It was so great having so much support and love. I'm feeling really good the past couple of days. I found the heartbeat with our doppler at home so that has been relieving.

9 week symptoms:
-constipation
-stuffed up nose all the time
-no new cravings
-baby is the size of a grape!

Weeks 4-8

Hey!

It's funny to see the last post on here was about the 21 day fix. It's an awesome program, but it kicked our butts and we lasted 7 days. That was also when I thought I was chubby and I was certainly NOT. I'm funny.

I plan on blogging once a week because... dun dun dun... we're pregnant! I have a few journal entries I want to insert in the blog so everything is in one place!

Week 4 (January 20, 2017)

We're pregnant! We found out on Sunday. I had some cramping going on and even though I had 2 days until I could take a pregnancy test, I decided to take one. I had a fancy clearblue test and instantly got a positive. I was shocked! That can't be right! I am so used to seeing negatives. I researched and a lot of people got false positives on those tests. I wanted to tell Carson in a fancy way but I was really wanting to go get a bunch of different brands of tests that night to make sure I really was pregnant. I ended up telling him when he came down to get a drink and I was watching a show on the couch. I said "ok, don't get your hopes up... and I'm only telling you because I don't want to go alone..." And he got a funny expression on his face like what the heck are you talking about... and then I told him! We went to walmart at midnight and got 2 other brands. I decided to wait until the morning to test. I was so excited that I woke up at 6am to take both tests. Positive! We hugged and kissed and it was a really happy moment. Not what I had dreamed it would be, I wanted to tell him with a bunch of balloons when he came home from work and I have these giant mylar balloons that spell out baby.. but this was just as special and it all felt so surreal. Unfortunately the cramping I was having was an ovarian cyst. I was afraid it was a tubal pregnancy so my doctor ordered an ultrasound and it was a pretty big cyst with lots of free fluid. The pain for that entire week was unbearable. I've had a cyst burst before but it was a little one (and still I went to the ER with that!) This one was much bigger and I would get excruciating pain at night. I finally called my doctor after a couple nights of this and they prescribed me lortab but then I got scared and didn't take it (even though it's safe and probably would have really helped)! Luckily after a full 7 days the pain stopped and all was well again.

We told our families by giving them poppyseed packets. Both my mom and my mother in law were so confused. Neither of them are gardeners haha. We explained that was the size of our baby that week and they were so excited for us. We told a good amount of our close friends and family, we couldn't hold it in!

We got my HCG levels tested 2x now and so far so good. I go in again Monday to make sure I stay on track. If I remain pregnant then I'm due around September 25! 

Some of my symptoms so far:

• A little extra emotional
• I get tired easily
• My boobs hurt a little (not that bad)
• Cramping (but that's part of the cyst)
• I had a scary vivid dream last night

Almost 6 weeks (January 29, 2017)

I need to be better at updating! I'm 6 weeks pregnant tomorrow! Luckily I'm not sick yet. I hope that never starts... My first dr. appointment is Feb 21 and I'll be 9 weeks. I'm too impatient, they couldn't get me in the week before. My friend Shalli is pregnant too and she is about 5 days in front of me. They have already seen the baby's heartbeat and I'm super jealous! This last week I ordered all of my nursery furniture. Target had a deal so I had to! Carson said I could start buying stuff as soon as I got a positive test.. I've been planning my registry since last October. I also bought a car seat. Carson put the crib together yesterday. We're just a little excited. WE already have a plan for how we're going to do our gender announcement. I can't wait! My symptoms are just tender boobs but my cyst pains are still kind of there. Not fun. Other than that I'm pretty thirsty and tired. I had a dream last night I was having a boy. I really feel like that's what I'm having! Carson thinks it's a girl thought. Obviously we'll be happy with either.

6 weeks (February 3, 2017)

Hello! I got a bill in the mail from when we tested my hormones back in November when we were making sure my levels were good. I was a bit obsessed with making sure everything was ok. The first time I got tested it was around $200. The second time, for the same test it was $750. They sent it out to a different lab :( We are very bummed. I'm starting to feel a little sick towards bed time... and then in the morning until about noon. I notice if I eat something that usually helps. Maybe low blood sugar? My boobs still hurt. I'll be 7 weeks on Monday, time is going by decently fast. I wouldn't mind if it went by a bit faster. My cyst pains have pretty much disappeared which is amazing. I think I'm pretty lucky with minimal side effects. I am however feeling more irritable and that's super NOT fun. Some things I like to eat include:

• soup! It calms my tummy and I like for lunch when I'm still a little queasy
• pizza factory salad bar
• breadsticks
• pb&j sandwhiches

I'm starting to notice more smells and I don't like our hand soap anymore. It smells like poop mixed with soap haha! I've also lost more weight probably due to my hormones and the fact that I can't eat a lot at a time. Finally some portion control! ;) I have an engagement shoot tomorrow with a cute couple and I'm super excited and nervous because I get tired easily. I dreampt I was having triplets and my mom said it was ok to cry and I couldn't because I was in shock. Also, the doctor felt bad for us so he offered a free purple mattress haha! I remember thinking "why wouldn't he offer to buy us 2 more cribs instead?"

Almost 9 weeks (February 19, 2017)

Guess what? On Tuesday, it's our first dr. appointment! I'm really nervous. I hope everything is ok! I think I'm having a boy. I get sicky at night. It's no fun. Especially beacuse I have so many pills at night. So far I've lost weight. We are filming our pregnancy announcement tomorrow and I'm super excited! We bought Carson a bunch of "dad" clothes and I'm gonna walk out and stick out my belly and ask if my dress makes me look pregnant and he'll ask if his outfit makes him look like a dad. He's wearing cargo shorts, tucked in polo, these gross sandals paired with long socks haha! We'll announce on Tuesday if everything looks good. I sure hope it does! I'm trying not to work myself up about it. 

Symptoms:

• Constipation is real. I started a stool softener. 
• Weepy, I cry over the weirdest crap.
• Hormonal/cranky, I'm kind of a grouch
• Weird dreams